your parents love me but you hate me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
