I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
