so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
