remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
