does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
