The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
