Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
