I just made out with a guy for $7.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
