It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's rum buckets o'clock
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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