Will you blow on my dice?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize