did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
