Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
