one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
