and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
