Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
