I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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