Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
