lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
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Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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