I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
