They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
