You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
