No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
