I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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