Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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