Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
