John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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