Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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