Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
