Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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