No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
