Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Success! We fucked roommates!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
