Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
