Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
