Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I checked into jail on foursquare
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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