you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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