Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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