I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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