You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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