OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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