woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
