when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
