Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Enjoy the penises
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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