Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
