So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
