can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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