I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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