i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
