i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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