Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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