I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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