It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
