She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
