Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
