Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
