Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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