Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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