On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
