I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
