She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
