Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
