make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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