just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
