I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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