Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
