I never want to see another naked old woman again.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
