did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
