i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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