yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
