Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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