Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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