She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
