my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
