wat bout pragnant strippers??
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
