Moan for me like Helen Keller
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
