A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I skipped work to stalk him.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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