I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
