the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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