why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
