The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
