mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
