If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
