ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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