Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
