just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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