Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
