I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
